Something a friend of mine posted this week really resonated with me:

“My toxic trait? I face everything on my own and don’t admit I need help because I’d rather struggle than burden other people with my problems.”

Why did that statement speak to me so much? It is because I have that trait too.

I am not quite sure where it stems from but it is something I battle with all the time. I wish I could do it all on my own, I wish I could figure life all out on my own.

Part of the reason is that I know that despite how beautiful life is, it can come with its fair share of challenges. I know that for sure. I try to be positive even in the most negative of times and that is hard for me, especially because I am an overthinking empath. I think more. I feel more. That can be quite exhausting emotionally, mentally and physically.

Because I understand how draining life’s challenges can be, I tend to refrain from sharing my difficulties with others. I prefer to allow persons to share their burdens with me so that I could help them in some way, however small, to lighten their burdens, even if it is just for a minute.

Sounds noble right?

I am not so sure.

Is it that I do not want to offload my burdens on others? Or is it that I feel that I am a burden?

Is it that I feel I can handle situations better than others? How arrogant would it be for me to think that?

Am I trying to uphold some façade of perfection? That would be silly, no one is perfect and I would hate for anyone to think that I am or that my life is, because nothing could be further from the truth.

The reality is this –  every one of us needs help. It is why we have relationships, friendships, partnerships. We need each other, to lean on and to learn from. Everyone has bad days, even bad seasons but they all pass.  It is what being a human is about, it is what life is about. The people who truly love you always want to help and you would be doing them a disservice by not allowing them to. If they are offering support, compassion and love, accept it. If you feel like you might be asking too much of them, ask them upfront if they have the mental space for it. I read that somewhere and I thought that was a useful tip. Always remember that there is a big difference between wallowing in complaints and negativity, and simply going through a tough time. Know the difference.

Do not be afraid to even ask for help beyond your loved ones’ capacities. If you need professional help, seek it. Mental health is so important and we need to take care of ours.

You are not weak for accepting help. In fact, it is quite the opposite. You are brave, you are strong.

Think of it this way – every experience you have and that you come through (and I promise you can) means that you will be able to help someone else in the future. Every experience.

The lowest times in your life gave you empathy, compassion, wisdom. You can impact someone’s life in some way someday. Do not ever underestimate the impact of your journey. Those burdens you carried gave you some serious muscle and there will come a time when you need to flex them.

I am writing this to you in a way to help ease a burden of my own. Just knowing that this message can help encourage someone through this week gives me hope. We all have highs and lows, what really matters is how we respond to the lows and how we help others in the highs.

Lady Gaga said it best in her emotional acceptance speech at the Grammys last Sunday night –

“If you see somebody hurting, don’t look away. And if you are hurting, even though it might be hard, try to find that bravery within yourself to dive deep and go tell somebody.”

Lady Gaga

Keep your heads up, MOY readers. Much love to you all.  

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